d by dy

NOTICE FOR USELESS INVENTING

The difficulty of street parking in crowded cities can be ammeliorated by automobiles whose wheels can spin 180 degrees. This will allow cars to move sideways like a crab does. Parallel parking will be replaced by something that is easier to learn and more robust.

So, GM, listen up. This is your chance to avoid bankruptcy. You know how delicious crabs are, don’t you? This is your chance to make customers hungry for your cars.

NOTICE FOR USELESS INVENTING

Have you ever wished you could curse like those Dongbei dudes on YouTube?  Armed with powerful vocabulary and a punishing command of metaphors, puns, and parallelism, those dudes need only minutes, or even seconds, of speech to devastate their foes while entertaining hedonistic bystanders.  Have you ever wanted to curse like a pro but lacked the oratory skills?  Have you felt simply too polite to do it?

If your answer to any of the questions is yes, you will welcome the invention of the Dongbei Curse Generator.  This customized computer script asks you for the name of your foe, and dynamically generates an audio file containing the desired Dongbei-style smack down.  That’s right—you do not even need to lift your lips.  You may further customize your experience by selecting from a set of preset templates extrapolated from the most popular Dongbei videos from YouTube.